Alicia Keys

Lawd! No one said….

It was going to be so difficult trying to find my body after my baby! Phew!
I was speaking to another woman just yesterday, who’d recently had a baby and she was telling me the same thing! We launched into a whole conversation about the mystery of it all and how in the world does it happen?

I was fortunate, I didn’t gain a massive amount of weight while I was pregnant (I took after my mother like that) and I’ve always been active and had pretty good eating habits. I believed the myths about how breast feeding helps you lose weight—what a kind and comforting myth that is:-)

But there came a moment somewhere around the time Egypt was 14 months that I woke up and I realized I had to get serious! I had to shock my body in a way that I never had before! Even though I was pretty consistent at working out, it was as if my body was used to those same exercises and movements and was no longer responding… it was just standing still.

Well, the New Year approached and I made myself a promise. It was time to go hard!

I found an accomplice (aka a trainer who would kick my ass) and we began what has been a 6 month excursion of tons of sweat, heart racing, body shaking, and much complaining (me) sessions of pure exhaustion! Testing and building my stamina, my drive and my belief that I could transform my body!

My favorite thing is that I do such a variety of things; Cardio, Strength, Yoga, Pilates… I even mix in a little boxing to keep me fierce. I have found that with a consistent no cancelation policy, I’ve begun to find a place in me that yearns to be fit, yearns to be healthy and yearns to have that hour of pure physical activity.

During that time I think, I listen to music, I get out my anger and anguish, I forgive, I give gratitude for all that I have experienced in my life and I’m proud!

I’m proud of being important enough to myself to not make any excuses and dedicate a good amount of time in my week to my health and strength.

Now, let’s not get it twisted! It’s not just easy as 1,2,3! There is no magic wand in this equation and for goodness sake, I’m a working mama and a wife and like so many of us we are juggling what can seem like the entire world!;-) When I get home from the studio at 3am and Egypt gets up at 8am and I’ve planned to go to the gym during his nap time (which is also MY nap time) BELIEVE me I WISH there was a magic wand around! But I try to hype myself up and hit the gym! Sometimes I succeed and sometimes I don’t, but I try!! Hard!!

One time I was complaining about being asked to do pull ups.  Have you ever tried to do pull ups????—I mean, hell may be more pleasant!!! I was trying to find every reason why I couldn’t do them and another lady at the gym said to me, we should really know how to hold up our own body weight, I mean what if, God forbid, we ever really needed it!  Whoa! That turned me right around and made me at least try!

And I think that’s the point, to at least try, to at least owe it to ourselves to be the best version of us we can be! To feed the mind, body, soul and spirit, and to give it a shot even when it seems impossible!

Cause 6 months ago, I kinda thought I might never lose that last bit of bulge and now when people say, there’s no way you had a baby!?

I say, “Thank you! But I’m working HARD for this!”

Ha! To all the mothers fighting….
I’m so proud of you!

Saying goodbye

I have been introduced to the worst feeling in the world…. Saying goodbye to my son. It’s different than saying goodbye to anyone else— it’s a distant dread that follows me all the days up until the moment I walk out of the door.

Another mother said to me, “It’s an obsession right?” (meaning the way a mother feels about her child)

At first I thought the description was a bit drastic but as each day passes and I find myself falling deeper, I think about her statement again and it’s spot on.

I’m finding it harder and harder as I go through my schedule trying to balance home and work.

If I’m done with my day at 2am and in bed by 3am, do I schedule the gym for the 2 hours I have before meetings begin or just spend that time with Egypt? I mostly choose the latter to the dismay of my ass and abs. Then in the rare moments I have less meetings I go to the gym during his (and MY) nap time to the dismay of my studio sessions later that night  LOL! It’s quite a roller coaster balancing act.

Call me crazy, but I’m happy when I come home at 2 in the morning and he wakes up so I might have a chance to pull him into our bed for comfort. Him or me? I’m not sure;-)

Or after a long day and a late night I don’t care that he gets up at 7am when I’ve only had 3 hours, in fact I’m smiling…

But the worst is saying goodbye…

Leaving the house and knowing I’ll be gone all day or going away for a weekend or 5 days or however long it is…I mean it’s so crazy I would gladly cross the entire Atlantic, do a show and everything that goes along with it  AND return right back home in less than 32 hours just so I don’t miss a moment.

I think that’s what it is… Everything goes so fast, I don’t want to miss a moment… I remember when he was  getting his first teeth and I had to go to Europe. I called when I landed and my husband said, “I’m so glad you left before he woke up, he was so miserable today, you would have never left if you saw him like that.” Now don’t get me wrong, I’m BEYOND grateful that it was my husband and my mother that was with him when his little body was so weak and sad, but honestly, I wanted to be the one holding him and cuddling him and telling him it would be ok…. But I was on a plane…

It’s missing those moments that makes it hard.

So saying goodbye has been the difficult part…

Not for him thankfully, I leave and he says, “Bye-bye Momma” and he looks happy, and comfortable, secure and ready to play.

And I end up in the elevator with a lump in my throat!

What a journey… This thing called motherhood, this thing called love….